Bella, I promise
by NightWhisper25
Summary: Terrible things happen in life. They can't be stopped, you can't change the past. The decisions you make are the ones you keep. This is the lesson Edward learns. Join him on his journey to heal. Told from Edward's POV. DOES CONTAIN NEW MOON SPOILERS!
1. Stalker

Author's Note: Okay, this is my first fanfic ever. Yes, ever: and I'm incredibly nervous, so please be gentle. R&R please! I appreciate any comments, and I do take constructive criticism. The furtherance of this story depends on how many comments I get. Thanks a lot! Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, own _Twilight_, it's characters, or it's plotline. They are all the genius brainchildren of Stephenie Meyer. I only own this story. **

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**Preface: Edward's POV**

There is only one chance in this life for anything. Take it from someone who knows. Many, many people will try to mislead you. They'll tell you that you have all the time in the world to make your choice; they will divert your attention from the things most important to you, they will lead you to believe that you can fix your mistakes.

This is not the case at all. . . .

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It was days like this I hated the most. The days when the sun would finally peek through the blanket of clouds and show its shining face; or in other words: the days I could not be with my Bella. I could hardly remember the days before she tripped into my life, the days when I prayed for some sunlight, just to skip school. But, high school didn't seem so bad when I was with Bella. She _was_ my existence now. Being separated --no matter how short the time period-- was torture. As painful as being changed again ten times over.

But only an hour of this left, I would be there when she got home, waiting in her room. I set my mind on that fact and layed back in the grass.

It turned out I was taking this opportunity to go hunting with Jasper. I must say, he was doing remarkably better these days. Carlisle had him on a strict twice-a-week diet, whether or not he was thirsty. I had my doubts about it in the beginning, the usual worries; but I suppose all these years with Carlisle should have told me never to question his judgement.

Jasper came back from amidst the trees, a distinct glow on the landscape, and plopped down beside me, taking a deep breath. His shirt was covered in red splotches --for obvious reasons.

"Done already?" I asked, staring up at the sky. I hadn't been thirsty, I only came to keep him company while he hunted. "That was rather short."

"Edward, I can't drink another drop. I never thought I would say this, but Carlisle's a madman." He said, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. "If I never see a deer for the rest of my existence, it would be too soon." I let out a chuckle.

"The fuller you are, the better. . .perhaps." I never said the doubts were thoroughly extinguished.

"You're not thirsty?" Jasper asked as he stretched out his long figure.

"Not really." He hummed a sound of understanding and closed his eyes. When they opened again they would be the same shade of honey mine were at the moment.

"Thinking about Bella again?" He asked.

_Bella. My Bella. _In my mind I pictured her here with me, everything about her made me want to laugh, cry, dance, and shout all at once. Bella's eyes, Bella's smile, Bella's hair, Bella's scent: they ran through my mind one after the other, burning like the fire of my love for her. _My Bella_. Her name alone was like poetry I let an absentminded smile cross my lips, "Is it that obvious?" he laughed and nodded slightly.

"Edward, I know I've never said it, but I am really happy for you." He looked over at me, probably expecting me to say something; but in all honesty, I was at a loss for words. After a length, he continued. "She's brought on such a change in you. It's like you're actually alive, like you've been given a second chance." He paused for a moment considering something. "Edward, please, don't do anything stupid."

"What do you mean?" I said, slightly taken aback.

"You may not be able to see the change in yourself, but the rest of us can; especially Alice, I've never seen her so happy for you. All I'm asking is that you will try not to mess anything up, none of us, even Rosalie --I think-- want to see you die again."

.There was a pang of something twisting in my chest: gratitude, maybe? I wasn't sure. "Thank you, Jasper, but you don't have to worry." I sighed. "I thought Bella gone once, and that tore me apart inside. I would never leave her again. I would never even think about it." He smiled, obviously content with my answer, and rose to his feet.

"I'll see you later." was all he said before he took off.

I left myself a few minutes afterwards, and headed off towards Bella's house. If I knew her --and I did-- she would be on her way home right now. With a broad smile stretched across my face I climbed through her bedroom window, my usual entrance.

It had been no more than a half a minute when I heard the old truck roaring up the drive, the engine cut, and the driver's side door slammed.

I wanted to surprise her, catch her off guard --which wasn't hard at all--. I slipped behind the bedroom door, feeling completely juvenile, just as she started tromping up the front steps.

I listened patiently to her every move. Every step she took was clearly etched in my memory, and I counted off each one in its turn. The first thing off the list was the keys hitting the side table next to the door, then she would walk up the stairs, into her quiet little room where I stood waiting to spring.

But something happened just then, something that was very unlike my Bella's usual rutine. Instead of turning to walk up the stairs, she stood still, silently for a moment, as if anticipating something, before bolting the door. Her steps took her to the living room, where I heard the blinds snap shut. I followed the sounds to the kitchen where the shade over the sink was pulled. All the time her steps were quick and stealthy.

Something was wrong, terribly wrong.

She began muttering something under her breath, but I could not, for the life of me, figure it out.

I could hear her voice, she was still in the kitchen. She sounded like she was pacing, because the footsteps seemed to stay in one concentrated area.

Then she took off, flat-out running from the kitchen, up the stairs. Bella stumbled once, then again, but she continued running. By now I could hear her heartbeat racing in her chest. Not from this bout of running, no, she was scared. . .terrified even.

Bella burst through the door, nearly tearing it off its hinges, and slammed it behind her. She was shaking terribly and panting uncontrollably.

Instinctively, I reached out from behind the door, totally forgetting that she wasn't aware of my presence, and grabbed her by the wrist.

"NO!" she screamed. Bella spun around with incredible un-Bella-like speed. Her hands flew up, and she began fighting me. Hitting my chest with such a force you would have thought I was an attacker.

"Bella!" I shouted, catching her fists and holding them so that her beatings were futile. "Bella, stop it! It's me, Edward! Stop this!"

She froze, her hands still balled into fists trapped in my stone grip. She looked into my eyes, like she was seeing for the first time.

"Edward?" her voice shook with a twinge of shock, as if she didn't believe me.

"Yes, Bella. It's me." I stared into her eyes, trying to get her to see me clearly. I had no idea what was wrong, but I knew something was going on. Her pulse throbbed under my fingers, and for a moment her trembling stopped.

Then she broke down.

"Edward!" she screamed, collapsing against my chest, her frail body heaving with powerful sobs that shook her against me. I pulled her closer, resting my chin on top of her head.

"I'm here now. Shhh, I'm here now." I cooed, stroking her hair. She gripped the front of my shirt, bunching it up in her palms. I lifted her up effortlessly and carried her over to her bed, laying her down on it. But she would not release her grip on me, and I layed down next to her.

The worry and anxiety building up inside of me made the time move slower, and the fifteen minutes it took for her to stop crying seemed like a hundred lifetimes. Never-the-less I held on to her, patiently stroking her hair, and whispering in her ear until her breaths weren't so ragged.

Her face was buried in my chest, her sweet fragrance diffusing through the room with every exhale. "Bella?" I asked quietly. "Are you alright now? Can you tell me what's wrong?"

Of course I could not let the urgency into my voice. The last thing she needed was another cry.

She didn't answer.

"Bella?" I said again.

"Yes," her voice was weak and sad. I felt my insides churn at the tired sound of it.

"What happened?"

She did not answer at first, but took a deep breath instead. "I was scared." she said quietly.

"For what?" I asked. Trying to hide the concern in my tone without success.

Again, she didn't answer right away, but when she did finally speak, she said something I never would have expected.

"Edward. . ." she faltered. "I think I'm being followed."


	2. Return

**Author's Note: Sorry it took so long to update. I was having a severe case of writer's block. . . anyways, I finally finished chapter 2. It's a little rough around the edges, but I was happy with the overall result. Hopefully this will hold your intrest for the following chapters. Tell me what you think. Enjoy!**

I felt my jaw clench unconsciously. Anger and resentment burned inside my alabaster chest. _Victoria. . ._ I was almost sure of it. It was my first instinct. Only she could possibly be so low. Never mind we had lost her scent a long time ago; she was back --as ruthless and cunning as ever.

"Do you have any idea who it could be?" my question came out in a hoarse whisper. It really was not necessary to ask since it was so plain. I sat up more comfortably on the bed, gently holding Bella and bringing her up to a sitting position next to me.

"No," her voice started trembling again; she seemed on the verge of more tears. I wrapped my arm around her tiny waist, holding her close to me, and pressed a soft kiss on her temple.

"Shh, it's alright." I whispered into her hair, breathing in that sweet scent in the process.

She sniffled some before she spoke. "Edward, I'm so scared." she whimpered. I took her hand from her lap, where it had been restlessly tugging at a loose thread in the seam of her jeans, and laid a tender kiss on her palm.

"There's no need for that," I whispered. I rested my fingers under her chin and turned her head to examine her face. Her chocolate brown eyes, though red and puffy from crying, still held the depth to them that captivated me from the beginning. She was so beautiful, I am sure that if I had had a working heart it would have skipped a few beats. "I'm here." I whispered. "I _will_ protect you, always." Absentmindedly I let my finger trace a line along the length of her jaw, listening to her heart stutter in the process.

My ears pricked to the sound of the police cruiser pulling into the gravel driveway. "Charlie's home." I said quietly, my lips pulling down into a small frown. "I should probably go." Charlie still had not forgiven me for leaving Bella, though I had tried many times to win back his trust. But he was stubborn about it. I didn't blame him, it was hard for me to forgive myself --even now. My only hope of regaining his trust was to keep making it up to him and to Bella.

But until then, it was not a good idea to be here.

I made a motion to get up when her hand tightened around mine. Her eyes were earnest and intense --pleading even-- when I looked back to her.

"Do you really have to?" she asked in a small voice. "I'm afraid to be alone. What if. . . what if whoever this is knows where I live? He could come after me. . . . Edward if your not here--" I placed a finger over Bella's quickly moving lips. Her voice had risen with hysteria and I feared she would start crying again.

"You know Charlie doesn't trust me with you anymore, Bella. I doubt he would like it very much if he found me in here. . .with his daughter. . ._alone."_ It worked. She smiled, if only for a second. I placed a hand against her soft, warm cheek. "I'll be back, okay? I promise." I whispered, for Charlie's footsteps were making their way up the stairs. I gently kissed her lips. "I'm right outside." I added before leaping agilely out of the window, just as the bedroom door opened.

I waited in the shade of the forests surrounding Bella's home; watching from outside as Charlie entered the bedroom, an indecipherable expression on his face. I would have listened to their coversation via his thoughts had my own not been occupied with the possiblity of Victoria's return. If she had in fact, returned, I would need to tell the others. Carlisle especially.

In the meantime, I wouldn't leave Bella's side: rain. . . or shine.

Charlie exited the front door not long afterwards, shaking his head side to side in a hopeless manner. It made me curious as to what cock and bull story Bella had told him.

I watched silently as he slid back into his cruiser, a bag of some sort in his hand, and drove off.

I was back in her room in a flash, wrapping my arms around her as she sat on the bed.

"What did you tell him?" I asked, noting that her eyes were still puffy and red. Charlie would have noticed, I was sure of it.

"You mean you didn't listen in?" her voice was incredulous, but back to normal. A wide smile was spreading across her face.

"Of course not," I teased, my tone dripping with sarcasm. "_that_ would be an invasion of privacy." I leaned down and kissed the top of her head, the gentle thumping in her chest pausing for a moment.

"I told him I was crying because I missed you." she said so flatly that it actually surprised me.

"Really?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Yes, I always miss you." she grinned.

"You know what I mean." my eyes narrowed. "Glad to see your good mood is back."

She laughed, a musical sound. "No, I told him I stubbed my toe." I couldn't help but smile.

"And he bought it, huh? I would have thought Charlie smarter than that."

She laid her head against my stone like chest, a peaceful smile on her face as her eyes closed. I would never be able to fathom how she could stand being around me, a person --if even that much-- who was fighting every moment, trying not to kill her, a person who was dead in so many ways. There was no way I was good for her, but she was everything to me: my strength, my hope, my life. . .

"What's wrong?" she was staring up at me with her beautiful brown eyes, I gave her a questioning look. "You stopped breathing." she said. "I was wondering if I did something."

I hadn't noticed that I had been holding my breath, and I inhaled again. "No, I was just thinking." her brows furrowed in discontent, and she looked away.

"What?" I asked.

She sighed once, releasing that tantilizing scent; "The last time you said that you ended up leaving me." Was she pouting? I did my best to keep a straight face.

"Don't be ridiculous." I said, shifting myself until I was direcly in front of her, and stared deep into her eyes. "I'm not going anywhere." I assured her. "I promise."

"Good." she smiled.


	3. Appearance

It had been a week and a half since Bella told me she thought she was being followed, and in that time I had not left her side once. I was still convinced that Victoria was the one behind all the turmoil, and I was constantly keeping my senses open for any sign of her. She was here, I knew it. She may not have shown herself yet, but I knew she was just waiting; weighing her options, calculating the perfect moment to strike. She would wait till I let my guard down, until I left Bella by herself --even for a second. That would be all the time she would need to exact her revenge.

Carlisle, on the other hand, did not share my firm confidence. He thought it was someone else entirely --vampire or human. In all honesty, I could not agree with his theory, because of the simple fact that there _was _no one else. James was dead, so was Laurent; the Volturri would be thinking I was going to change her, so they wouldn't bother with a check up any time soon, and no human in their right mind would follow a girl around who hung about with as sinisterly forbidding people as we appeared to be. There was no logic in his theory.

Unfortunately, I stood alone in my private opinion. Esme, Emmett, Jasper, and even Alice --which was hard to believe-- had all taken Carlisle's point of view upon themselves. Rosalie just didn't care. To her, Bella was still a thorn in her side, an unwelcome guest. . .

_That girl causes you a lot more trouble than she's even worth_. I remembered her cold words with a grimace. A fire of resentment burned somewhere inside of me. Sometimes she could be so cruel. She did not even know Bella. Who was she to pass judgment on her? I balled my hands into fists under the table, reminding myself that the only reason Rosalie was so difficult about Bella was because she was jealous. She hated the life she led; we all knew, she had made it very clear that if it had been up to her, she never would have chosen this life for herself.

Then again, --who would have?

"You're thirsty, aren't you?" Bella's clear voice broke through my reverie. I looked up at her, my coal black eyes meeting her pure, unchanging ones. She was staring at me, concern painted clearly on her face.

"How about this, you let _me_ worry about my appetite." I replied with a soft smile. I reached across the table and gathered her hands in my own.

"_And_ keeping me alive. That job alone is enough to tire anyone out. Even you, Superman." she said lightly.

"That would be true, except you are forgetting one very important little detail."

She drew her brows together. "And that is. . .?"

"I don't get tired, Bella." I said, arching an eyebrow. She gave me a smug look.

"Are you sure I haven't remedied that?" I let out a laugh, shaking my head.

"I'm positive."

She took my hand and turned it palm up and started tracing the lines in it. "Either way, you should go hunting this weekend. It's not fair to you; I'm taking up all of your time." her voice had lost some of its lightness.

"Well," I took the hand she was tracing and placed it under her chin, tilting her head upwards a little so I could see her eyes again. "I certainly cannot think of a better way to spend it, can you?"

A crimson tide flooded her cheeks and ears, and her heart raced out of control. The scent of the fresh blood running hot under her pale skin sent my head spinning. I shook the feeling quickly, pushing the dry ache in my throat to the farthest part of my mind.

"Besides, what am I supposed to do with you while I'm gone?" I asked, resting my hand back on the table. She pondered my question for a moment before she answered.

"Alice could look after me," she said pointedly.

I shook my head slowly side to side, a sly smile tugging at the edges of my lips. "I don't think so."

"Why not? She's perfectly capable."

"It's not that." I assured her, chuckling at the strange expression on her face. "Alice lets you get away with much to much." .

"She does not!" Bella said in defense. But whether she was just defending my sister or trying to convince me, I didn't know.

I sat back in my chair, letting the smile grow on my lips. "I never said you had to believe me." I replied with a laugh.

"Oh, come on, Edward," she sighed, "I'll be good." a glimmer of something glinted in her eyes --only for a moment-- then it was gone.

"Nope," I said breezily. There was a pause as she considered something for a second before that glint, whatever it was, was back.

"Then take me with you." she said in a low voice, almost conspiritorially.

I felt my former smile pull down at the edges into a hard frown. I began to wonder if I underestimated Bella much, for she had played her cards brilliantly. Bella knew that if there was one thing I would not do --besides the most obvious-- it was bringing her hunting with me. I had explained it to her once before: how I would give myself over to my senses, become the beast I evaded when I was around the humans; in many ways, embrace the monster I was. There was no way in the world I would put Bella in a situation like that: a position where I could not protect her from the danger. . . not when _I was_ the danger. . .

"Funny," I said. There was no trace of even remote humor in my voice.

"Well, what are you going to do with me." she tried to hide the smile that signified her impending victory without success.

"Alice will take care of you." I would give her what she wanted just this once.

"Thank you." Her broad smile broke over her features like a ray of sunshine.

"Sure."

"Speaking of Alice," she said at length, looking around. "Where is she?"

I turned to look. I couldn't believe that I had not noticed it before. Alice was almost never late, and here we were fifteen minutes into the lunch period without her. I opened up the floodgates of my mind, letting in the hundreds of unwanted thoughts, searching for Alice's familiar "voice".

_Who _is_ that?_ Someone, maybe Jessica Stanley, thought.

_He must be new. . . _Another random thought. . .I could care less.

_He was in my Calculus class this morning._ I couldn't seem to find Alice anywhere, but whoever "he" was, the cafeteria was full of aimless "chatter" about him.

Then I heard it. A very different "voice", one I'd never heard before. It was incredibly soft, but there was something sinister in it; something defiant.

_I see you. . ._

I looked up, my every sense alert now to the presence of this stranger. Bella saw the tautness in my body.

"What is it?" she asked, concern painted her tone. I placed a finger quickly over my lips, still listening.

_Don't think I'm not talking to you . . . you're listening to me. _

I let my eyes scan the room; a soft, inaudible growl rumbled like thunder in my chest. Bella must have heard it, though. Her expression became alarmed.

I needed to stay calm. He wasn't thinking at me, he couldn't be. No one here besides Alice and Bella knew of my gift.

Suddenly, my mind seemed to zero in on the voice, creating a focal point in my head. My inner ear became transfixed on this one sound, this unknown voice. For the first time since I acquired this unique gift, my mind went numb to all other noises. Every other sound, every voice became lost: they seemed to cancel out into complete silence.

_I am speaking to you, Edward Cullen. Again, I ask you to not ignore me._

I stood up suddenly, I needed to get out. Everything was getting loud again, the hundreds of thoughts I usually blocked were somehow louder now after the silence. Screaming in my head. Something began to grow inside me, a vacant space in the pit of my stomach. Like a black hole it seemed to pull relentlessly, sucking up everything that made sense: leaving me empty inside. I remembered feeling this way only once, very recently. . .

It was last spring, after the baseball game, when James and his coven of sorts had shown up. I remembered the way he looked at her, everything that went through his mind when I crouched protectively in front of her. I saw the plan brewing in his mind, and the same emotion that had me then was gripping me now. A cold hand seemed to crush my immobile heart. . . .

I was scared.

I took Bella's wrist quickly, pulling her to her feet. I did not give her time to ask any questions. We needed to get out. She gaped at me in alarm as I dragged her out of the cafeteria, not caring about the looks everyone else was throwing our way.

We ran into Alice just as I pushed open the doors leading out of the cafeteria. The smile vanished from her face as soon as she saw mine. I have no idea what she saw there, but I'm sure it was not anything reassuring or calm.

"What is it?" she asked, chasing after me. I had not stopped moving, still pulling Bella along at an inhuman pace. She needed to run to stay at least behind me.

"Where were you during lunch?" I returned mechanically, not bothering to answer her question. I knew it was not like Alice to be late for anything, something held her back. Maybe even _someone._

"I got delayed," she said in a huff, worry in her tone and on her face.

"By whom?" I demanded, almost before she finished. I turned the corner toward the parking lot while Alice shouted questions at me in her head.

"Someone wanted directions. . .some new boy. Edward what's going on?!" she grabbed my shoulder to stop me, but I shook off her hand.

We came to my Volvo, parked in the shade of a tree. I walked around to the passenger side, and put Bella in.

"Get in, Alice." I commanded, speeding to the driver's side and jumped in. Bella was still speachless, gawking at me with huge eyes.

I turned the key and gunned the accelerator, my Volvo hit eighty as I exited the parking space.

We were on the road no more than a second afterwards, my body felt frozen from the gaping black hole in my stomach.

"Edward, what's wrong with you!" Bella had found her voice. I didn't answer, I couldn't, for I had not yet found mine.

I caught a glimps of something out of the corner of my eye, and glanced up at the rearview mirror.

And there he was. . . .

Standing in the middle of the now deserted street, staring right at me in the mirror, was a tall, dark figure. His hair a blinding white, his eyes a sinister, steely kind of blue. There was a sort of glow around him, it was completely unnatural; I knew this was no vampire.

The figure, tall and strong, cocked his head to one side. His eyes narrowed and he gave a smile, a moment more and he was gone. I blinked twice. He simply vanished, disappeared, evaporated even. I felt my jaw clench unconsciously.

"I believe I found your stalker. . . "


	4. Runner

**Author's Note: Sorry about the delay folks, I've been really busy. Hope you guys enjoy this post; personally, I don't believe that it measures up to the previous chapters. Sorry If I disappoint anyone. Hope you guys like it!**

Everything was working in a blur. I couldn't catch myself for any given moment. The world seemed to be caving in on top of me: too much for me to carry, and no visible way out. Nevertheless I stayed calm. For Bella's sake I did. Though the gaping pit in my stomach upset me, and though everything seemed to be spiraling downward I knew I had to stay calm. For Bella I would.

Alice was throwing furious questions at me in her head, I did my best to block them out. Right now I needed to think. Not only of who or what this thing could be or what it could want; but also, why I felt so compelled to _run_ from it. Why did it frighten me so badly? How could I feel threatened? Was it because of the fact that somehow it knew I was listening to it? Knew what I was? Could it be that it had some power over me that subconsciously caused me to fear it? Or was it because somewhere deep inside me I knew I _was supposed_ to be scared; because maybe, just maybe I knew that whatever it was, it wasn't after Bella at all. It was after me.

I clutched the steering wheel tightly. Narrowly missing breaking it between my fingers. NO! That wasn't true. Nobody knew what I was. It was impossible. This person. . . _not thing_. . . was after Bella and I would protect her from it. The hole grew another size larger inside of me as I let a low growl rumble in my chest.

"Edward?" Bella's clear voice --though frightened and anxious-- broke through the walls of my thoughts like a wrecking ball. I looked over at her scared figure, giving her a half-hearted smile.

"Yes?" my voice sounded different to me; colder maybe. . . . I wasn't sure.

"Where are we going?" Her eyes were glazed and distant as she stared at the wet streets flying under us. It only just hit me that I didn't know myself. I had been blindly dodging traffic for the past few minutes, heading in one general direction: away. Suddenly everything became clear and I recognized the road leading up to the inconspicuous turn-off leading to the huge white mansion.

"Home," I said quietly, loosening my tight grip on the wheel to take one of her trembling hands in my own.

Esme's soft humming met my ears as I pulled to a stop in front of the house. She was cleaning of course, as visions of Carlisle danced in her head. I blocked her thoughts from my mind out of respect for my adopted mother.

_Edward, can I talk to you. . .? In private, I mean. _I glanced up at the rearview mirror. Alice was as still as an alabaster statue, barely breathing. Her golden eyes stared intently at me through the glass. I nodded slightly before turning to Bella.

"Bella," she seemed to jump at the sound of her name after the long silence. Her chocolate eyes refocused on my face, lingering at my eyes for a moment. "Do you want to go inside for a minute? I'll be right in. Alice needs a word with me." She nodded, setting her lips in a firm line. I wished again --as I'd done many times before-- that I knew what she was thinking. I took her face gently between my frigid hands, holding her while I pressed a prolonged kiss into her hair. Her heart shudderd madly, before a deep blush surfaced on her face. Her cheeks grew warm to the touch under my hands. I watched her cautiously as she walked up to the front door, never moving my eyes from the spot long after she had gone inside.

Alice wasted no time, however.

"Edward, why didn't you tell me it wasn't Victoria? Who is it?" she demanded, her light wind chime voice was tainted with a strange mix of concern and fury.

It went without saying that I didn't want to answer this question. Shame danced in my mind when I thought about how I had run away. Never in my life had I run from anything! What made this any different? I cursed myself, my very existence at the thought. Had I stood my ground, had I stayed and faced that thing, maybe I would feel differently now. Maybe it would have been better. I cringed inwardly at the thought that I had put Bella in much more danger than she had been in. If anything ever happened to her, if she was ever harmed, I would die. . . . If I was the cause of that harm. . . the pain would be more than I could bare.

"I don't know." I admitted halfheartedly, sighing. I began to clench and unclench my hands in a rhythm. Balling my fingers tight before spreding them out again.

There was a length of silence between us. I felt Alice's eyes on the right side of my face, trying to read my expression. Her mind uttered words of confusion, and I could not blame her for that. For many years I had been the lookout for my family, the dependable one. Or so I had thought once. It was my unwritten job to know anything and everything about any potential threat. And here I was, lost and trapped in the dark like a infant. Running from the slightest thing. Why had I been so frightened? Why had I run? There was no rhyme or reason to my actions. . . they simply were.

Alice's voice was steady and soft when she spoke again. "Edward, . . .why?" her perfect forhead creased as she studied my face.

I sighed, something stronger than fury blazing under my cold skin. "Because -- I --ran." I bit out the words in rage. I covered my face with my hands, taking slow, deep breaths to stay calm.

_Oh, Edward_. Alice thought. I felt her lay a hand on my shoulder. "You can't blame yourself for all this, Edward."

My voice came out sharp and icy, "Why not?"

"Because it's not your fault!" she insisted, her tone hardening again.

"Come on, Alice!" I said sarcastically, sitting straight in the seat again. "You know better than anyone else that Bella would be ten times better without me. . . .Why can't she see that?" I shook my head slowly, thinking about all the dangers I had put her in. "Everything I do ends up hurting her. . . . I am a curse. Even when I try to protect her by keeping her away I end up crushing her." an old wound opened up inside me somewhere as I remembered the day of our parting with painful accuracy. The look on her face. The tears streaming down her cheeks as she tried to grasp my meaning coupled with the denial she was battling. If I listenend closely enough I could still hear the sound of her heart shattering. . . how could I have been so cruel? Was I truly such a monster?

"Edward, you're being irrational. _This _is not your fault." she said firmly. Her golden eyes smoldered through the glass of the rearview mirror.

"Maybe not." I sighed. "But it may as well be." Alice's hand slipped from my shoulder in obvious defeat.

There was another prolonged period of silence between us. I turned my eyes back towards the front door of the house. Rosalie and Emmett had now entered the scene; from what I understood, Bella had told Esme the whole story, and now she was relaying it in return. At that moment only Emmett cared at all.

"Edward," Alice said quietly from behind me. I inclined my head slightly to show I was listening. "Maybe you should go hunt."

I shook my head. "No. Not today at least." my voice sounded tired and drained as it resounded in my ears.

"Edward, for once in your life, just listen to me!" she yelled suddenly. "Be reasonable." there was a growl in her firm voice.

I had never seen kind, sweet Alice so incenced before --at least not over my routine stubborness. My nostrils flared with my temper and frustration. "What?! What do you want me to do, Alice? Go hunt? Fine, I will. Later." I made a quick motion to open the door.

_How are you supposed to protect her if you're fighting the urge to kill her the whole time?_

I never thought Alice was capable of a statement like that. A great roar ripped from inside me; I spun around in the seat snapping my jaw shut only inches from her smug-looking face.

"Did I strike a nerve?" she raised an eyebrow, smiling in spite of herself.

"I would never hurt Bella." I bit out through the walls of my gritted teeth.

"No; but you can't deny the temptation. You have your share of weaknesses, too, Eward. No matter how indestructible you think you are."

As much as I hated to admit it, she was right. I was thirsty and unstable. I could rip Bella's head off if she made the wrong move: purly by accident or instinct I hung my head, sighing.

"You will not let her out of your sight. Not for a moment, understood?" Alice nodded once before opening the door and gliding up the walk towards the house.

I turned back around slowly, started the engine, and took off towards the hunting grounds.


	5. Encounter

**Finally! The next chapter! Again, I'm sorry about the delay, but this one was incredibly hard for me to write, especially from Edward's POV. Hope you guys can forgive me if I didn't get him completely right in this chapter. Once again, I don't think this chapter measures up to other ones --literary-wise-- no matter how pivitol it is to the story. Please R&R. Enjoy!**

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**I crept silently along the shadows behind my prey. Watching her every move with eyes sharper than a hawk's. It was quiet, but I was more so. In the shade of the foliage and the smells of the overgrowth my scent was lost, keeping the beast in unawares of my presence. Quietly now I moved closer, lightening my steps, minding my footing on the damp soil. The whole forest, with the exception of this creature, seemed to know I was there. Not a sound did the woods make, no birds chirping, no scurrying of tiny animals, not even a breeze troubled the stillness. 

I took a crouching position and flexed my fingers. One sound was all I needed to begin the chase. One disturbance in the atmosphere would let her know all was, in fact, not well.

I would create that disturbance.

My cold hands felt the area around me for what I was looking for, my eyes never leaving the animal, until my fingers clutched around the round object. I dug it up, a stone, smoothed by the rains and perfectly rounded. I raised my arm, poised for a moment. Then with deadly speed and accuracy the stone flew from my fingers, hitting the trunk of the giant tree next to the beast, crumbling from the impact.

The great animal raised its head, black eyes searched the vicinity; despite the scratching ache in my throat and the desire for something in me I stood my ground, and waited. Until she spotted me: a dark figure crouching in the shadows; I saw in its eyes that it knew this was the end. But luck was on my side, this one would not go down without a fight. I smiled in amusement.

She ran.

The giant she-bear belted through the trees creating quite a scene. The scent left behind drove me wild, pushing me faster, spurring me on behind her. Only a few inches from her, I lept into the air, landing on her great furry back.

She roared and bucked upward, but my fingers like stone claws dug into her flesh, clinging me to her. She thrashed violently --uselessly-- under me, only increasing my thrill. Finally, she stood on her back legs; ten feet in the air now, she tumbled down, rolling onto her back, on top of me. It was not the first time a grizzley had tried such a thing. I roared, growls ripping from my alabaster chest as I lifted her above my head.

She struggled in mid-air as I threw her off to the side, landing with a crash against the trees, positioned in such a way that her throat was clearly visible in the shadows. I quickly lept forward while she was down.

My teeth connected to the exposed flesh --then it was over.

A second later and she was dead; drained of her life. The warmth that was once her's flowed within me now and the thirst was gone.

Though I had done it hundreds --maybe thousands-- of times before, something told me this was different. There was a contrast between this time and all the other times; and it hit me while I stared at the lifeless carcass.

It reminded me, like an ever ringing bell, of what I was capable of. Of how unworthy I was. Of how much of a threat I was. If I could take down a bear in less than a minute, strong and huge as it was, what could I do to Bella?

A shiver traced itself slowly down my spine an uneasiness knotted in my stomach. I shook my head violently, building walls to prevent the forbidden thought. I would never hurt Bella. Never.

I sighed and turned from the animal.

I spent the next fifteen minutes walking at a human pace back up the trail, trying to sort through all the thoughts and emotions I had been through in the past hour; I thought about Bella, about how much danger I could put her in, how much hurt I was capable of causing her. Alice had said that none of this was my fault, that I had to stop blaming myself. It was possible that that was true, that Bella's life being threatened was none of my fault. But if it was, why wouldn't the painful nagging leave me be? Why wouldn't the black hole in my stomach shrink?

The fact of the matter was I could never understand what Bella saw in me --a monster. She deserved a _life_, not an eternity like this. I tried to make sense of her willingness to give up her soul, and worse yet, give it up for me. I would never want that for her. Even if it meant being able to spend the rest of this existance with her. Her soul was much too beautiful, too passionate to be given to someone like me.

I closed my eyes and swallowed hard, knowing what Bella wanted for herself was the heaviest burden I would ever have to carry, but knowing that she loved me that much made the weight a little easier. I could do anything as long as she loved me, even fight this battle --no matter what the outcome.

The thick blanket of storm clouds above my head was blocking out all --if any-- sunlight, making the dense woods darker, blackening my surroundings until it was almost a solid wall of darkness. I could not remember if it had ever gotten so dark before. The impending storm seemed ominous for once instead of routine, and I could not, for the life of me, shake the feeling of forewarning.

I cannot explain what happened next.

Suddenly, the only thought in my mind was Bella. Normally, something like this wouldn't worry me, but this was much, much different. Literal sirens began blaring in my ears. I wanted to get out, I needed to get home, back to Bella. There was an urge, like fire under my skin, to protect her. But I was nowhere near her. I had stopped dead in my tracks without remembering if I had made that conscious decision, all the hairs on my neck stood on end, and a frigid hand twisted around my insides. I physically felt the already gaping hole grow, threatening to swallow me whole. I struggled with myself to stay calm, but somehow I couldn't.

Every muscle in my body tensed then as an unatural, icy wind blew against my back.

_Edward. _

Faster than I could think I spun on my heels, facing the direction the thought came from. A thick blackness seemed to swallow me up from all sides. No clearing ahead, no clearing behind, everywhere was dark and dense. In the silence around me I heard whispers; tangible voices that seemed to get louder. It only took me so long to figure out they were my own thoughts.

_Run, Edward. . . you know you want to._ The voice teased, a dark chuckle resounded in my head.

"NO!" I roared. I had done far to much running today. "SHOW YOURSELF!" Even my sharp eyes strained to see in the darkness, nothing but the dense trees.

_Your poor, dead heart sings to me, Edward. You're frightened. Be wise. Run. _

"NO!" I balled my hands into fists and clenched my jaw, baring my teeth at my invisible adversary. "COME _OUT!"_ my words slurred with the growl that erupted from me, a feral sound.

_Hahaha. . . _

Something moved in the darkness in front of me and another frigid breeze picked up. In the distance ahead of me, between the thick growth of trees and underbrush, something bright shocked my yearning eyes. A faint speck of light danced behind the trees, looking like someone was teasing my eyes with a lazer pointer.

Gradually the light got bigger. Not like the source was coming closer, but as if more electricity had been added to an imaginary bulb. The light began to increase at a much faster pace until, finally, it was blinding bright. Enough to light the whole forest --but oddly and eerily contained. No brightness bounced off of the trees, didn't even touch the ground. It only affected my eyes.

Then I saw him. Moving like fluid, his feet floating inches above the dampened soil, he descened from something like a cloud in the middle of the woods, far away and within reach at the same time. His features were blurred by the blinding light, but his blue eyes --like flames-- were pronounced and defined.

Slowly the light began to diminish and the darkness began to set in again. Against the black of the forest his shock of white hair became visible. Finally the blinding light disappeared all together and I was able to see him fully by the same ethereal glow around him that was now the only source of light.

I could not remember taking the position I was now in: low to the ground, ready to jump at a given moment. My fingers gripped into the earth, holding myself back. I wanted to find out who this thing was. What did he want? It surprised me that I could be so rational at a time like this.

My words came out in a rumble of thunder, ringing in my ears, and through clenched teeth I asked the question burning my mind:

"Who--are--you?"


	6. Identity

**Author's Note: Okay, I am really sorry about the hiatus. Stuff is going on in my family right now that hinders me from doing what I like to do, and on top of that this chapter was extremely difficult for me to write; especially while it's from Edward's point of view. I really hope I didn't mess up his character in this one. Furthermore, the question "Who is that?" is answered in this chapter. Once you put the pieces together from the other chapters (white hair, ethereal glow, ect.) you'll get it (I hope). Really hope you people don't hate this chapter, or me for not posting in so long. Please R&R. I hope you enjoy! **

All was silent then, save for the threatening sounds of the oncoming downpour. He was absolutely relaxed in front of me, glaring at me through the strange white locks that hung off his head. His lips were twisted in a strange grimace, making him look wild and furious. It did nothing to help the way I was feeling.

He was my height or close to it and definately broader --more muscled. He was dressed in strange robes, the same hue as his hair. They hung off him like royal garments, and vaguely reminded me of the robes in the painting of Aro, Marcus, and Caius that hung in Carlisle's office. His features were hard, and perfectly chisled; giving his face the illusion of --like mine-- being set in stone. It was strange. In a way like looking into a mirror. His features were undoubtedly flawless, and even as he stood remarkably still I sensed a grace I didn't know to exist in any other kind but my own.

But he was no vampire. No, that definately wasn't it. He was something much different; the likes of which I'd never seen before. Hate seemed to drip from him, so much so that I swear I could nearly smell his malice towards me. His mind, as I tried to look into it, was almost enigmatic. There were things I couldn't understand in his head, things I could never even begin to explain.. . .

Angry and frustrated, I repeated my question. "Who are you?" I glared at him, mirroring his expression, as he made a motion to step forward; I growled in warning.

"No one of consequence." he replied smoothly, his voice was as slick as oil and twice as black to my ears. He disregarded my crouched position, my menacing pose, my bared teeth, and strolled forward; slowly, gracefully circling me with steps that barely touched the ground. I found myself rising to my feet, watching him. He continued to circle me, like a vulture just before it swoops downward toward the earth.

"What do you want from me?" I asked smoothly, my voice rolling like silken thunder. My gaze never broke from his, and I rose to my feet, turning as he continued to walk around me.

"The only thing I could ever want from you is your absence." he said coldly, stopping in his tracks to strengthen his glare.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I demanded through gritted teeth.

"It means that I want you gone." he said curtly. "You don't belong here."

Something hot and bitter burned under my skin, spreading from the crown of my head to the bottom of my feet. It seered every inch of me until I saw nothing but red.

Before I was even aware that I had moved, I was at his throat, my teeth bared and inches from his stone face. "Who are you to tell me where I don't belong!" I spat, my words slurred in a snarl. "Who are you anyways?!" I clutched my hands around his neck, not caring if I crushed his windpipe, and pushed him backwards, up against a tree. His face stayed smooth and calm, almost like he had been anticipating every move I had made so far, but he made no motion to respond. "ANSWER ME!" I roared.

He narrowed his eyes, and grabbed hold of my arms, pushing them off of him with little effort. "You will not touch me again." he said calmly. "You have no idea what I am capable of."

"Is that supposed to be a _threat_?" I demanded.

"You need to leave this place, Edward!" he yelled suddenly, momentarily stunning me. His voice was pure venom as he flung hatred at me like daggers. His face contorted, twisting into the most awful grimace as he spoke my name. Almost as if it caused him physical pain. "Do you want her _dead?!_"

That awful feeling returned, the black hole sucking up anything and everything that came up against it. A million questions burned my brain, making my head spin. He couldn't be talking about Bella, could he?

"What are you talking about!" I demanded. Fear bubbled up into my chest, making it harder to breathe. I held my breath, hoping for a different answer than what I knew he'd say.

"I am talking about Bella, Edward." he said, much quieter than before, as if he had finally gotten something very important across to me even though I had no idea what he meant. "The longer you stay, the weaker she becomes. Soon her existence, in and of itself, will depend on you entirely." he paused for a moment.

"I don't understand." I admitted, so scared that I could swear I felt my frozen heart leap in its ribbed cage. "How can you know that? What are you?"

He paused, in his head I saw him picking out words carefully. Playing out different lies he could tell to explain his appearance and why he was here. Finally he spoke. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you the truth." he said with a smirk.

"Why's that?" I asked, closing my eyes, trying to focus on anything to take this awful feeling away.

"Because, Edward, I --like you-- am a misunderstood creature. The substance of novels and fairytales. There are only a few, not even a handful, of people who take the existence of my kind seriously. You would understand, being a myth yourself."

"But, you're no vampire." it wasn't a question.

"No." he admitted. "I am something far more. . . _divine._"

It was like he took pleasure out of giving me these riddles to figure out. Nevermind I was fighting every minute to control my temper, or that every fear I had ever known in my existence was concentrated now in this place, in his presence. But this was something I needed to do, something I had to figure out. Bella's life depended on it. . . I couldn't let her down. Not again.

The wheels in my head began to turn, slowly at first, trying to process the information bit by bit. I read his mind again hoping to uncover some new information he was witholding from me. Nothing. _Divine?_ What on earth could that mean? He had implied that he was a myth when he remarked that I myself was one. "The substance of novels," he said. What did he mean? I tightened my jaw, concentrating very hard on trying to solve this puzzle. I had no idea what to think, or what to believe, but if there was one thing I was certain of at that very moment it was this: I had never felt so helpless before.

But something whispered in my head just then. The echo of a memory I had never bothered to recall. _I remembered like it was yesterday; the way the sun caught in Bella's hair as we sat in our meadow, the feel of her breath on my skin when she sighed. That summer before I forced my family to uproot itself from our home, thinking it was best for Bella. The summer that I felt complete for the first time in my lonely existence. _

_Bella had tripped over her own two feet again, and as usual I had caught her. _

_"Don't you ever get tired of this?" she asked, gripping my hand for support._

_"What?" I said, though I knew exactly what she was talking about._

_"Always saving me from myself." I chuckled and pulled her into me, breathing in her intoxicating fragrance at the same time. _

_"Never." _

_"Please, I'm a walking disaster. A magnet for trouble." _

_I smiled. "Undoubtedly." _

_"So you agree?" she asked with a blush._

_I recall the way my heart sank when I answered, knowing I had to be honest. I was convinced that if she turned from me now it would be better. "I have to. I'm your biggest catch." _

_There was pain there, in her eyes when they shot up to meet mine. "Don't ever say that." she whispered, I heard her pulse quicken. "You are my angel."_

_"Explain that to me," I challenged tenderly. "How can a damned creature like me be considered such?" _

_She was distant, but only for a moment before she spoke. "People say that when they needed it the most, they were saved by unexplainable means. Some claim that they were even spared by fantastical people who show up when needed and then disappear. . . guardian angels." she paused before taking my hand in a cautious motion. "You saved me, Edward --in more ways than one-- you are my angel."_

Something like a tornado unleashed itself inside of me. I was un-nerved, unsettled, and apprehensive. It couldn't be. I opened my eyes and stared at him. People who appear and disappear sporadically, "the substance of novels", his claimed divinity and mythology. . . it all made sense, and yet it just couldn't be. "Oh my God," I said, stunned at this possible revelation.

"Not quite," he said, a smirk tugging at his lips. It was possible that he saw the questions written plainly on my face, because when he opened his mouth he answered all of them in a few words. "Edward," he said quietly. "My name is Thoriel. I am Bella's guardian angel."

**So what did you all think? Please let me know. Maybe my next chapters will be a little better, I promise you there is a plot. Just hang in there, I'm getting to it. **


	7. Choices

It felt like I was free falling into a world where nothing made sense, like I had been punched in the stomach and the wind had been knocked out of me by the fist of a foe. I had stopped breathing without remembering if I had decided to hold my breath. I simply stared at this creature, this Thoriel like he was supposed to answer my unspoken questions.

"You're lying." I whispered, not sure if I believed my own words. "You have to be. . . it makes no sense."

He arched an eyebrow at me. "Life isn't always logic and science, Edward. You don't have to believe what I say in order for it to be true."

"What do you want from me?!" I growled, ignoring what he'd said. I began to shake. I wanted to believe that all of this was a dream, that none of this was real. I prayed on the inside that this fear, this sudden frailty that I felt was some incredible figment of my imagination.

He began laughing. "As if you need to ask." he began circling me again. "You know, Edward. Not only what I want, but why. You know you're no good for Bella, you are totally aware of it, and yet you outright _refuse_ to do what's good for her."

Before he could blink I had jumped forward, towards him, with a speed I never knew was within me. Fire burned under my skin, purging me of every sense of awareness. I was seeing red. I wanted him dead from that point on. A roar that shook the very earth beneath me rumbled from what was once my soul, and with my arms out in front of me I aimed for his throat; my fingers spread out ready to crush his neck between them.

"NO!" I screamed, launching at him; but somehow he saw me coming and moved aside --very calmly-- out of my way. I hit the ground, my legs skidding on the dirt. Without thinking twice, I dug my fingers deep into the earth, and pushed off of them, propelling myself towards him again; again he moved out of my way, and again I went sailing past him in a fury. His face hardened considerablly and he strode forward in one swift step. It took me half a moment to realize the speed he was using.

I got back on my feet, jumping at him again. This time I was able to make contact, smashing against him with a crash like thunder. He grappled me, grabbing my wrists. I broke his hold easily and locked my own grasp on his forearms.

"If you knew anything at all you wouldn't ask me to leave her. You can't be her '_guardian_' if you're asking me to crush her again." I pushed him hard, causing him to fly backwards. He hit a nearby tree with a crash.

He smirked. "So you admit that you've hurt her?" he mocked as he rose to his feet.

I could feel him beginning to corner me with his words. The all consuming rage within me suddenly vanished. "It was what was best for her." I said, my voice dropping several decibals.

"You could never know what is best for her."

"And you do!" I scoffed. "You know nothing about her! If you did, you'd understand that the last time I left I nearly killed her."

He laughed again, and before I could react he was in my face. "As if you could do any differently."

I threw a blind punch and I felt his hand catch and grip my wrist for a split second before I was suddenly thrown upwards. I landed hard on my back, and stared up at him with a wince. "Who do you think saved her, Edward? Certainly not you or anyone of _your _kind. Had _I_ not sent young Jacob Black her way she would have surely died." I shot back up into a crouched position, readying myself to pounce again when he came down to my level. His voice dropped as well so that it was just above a whsper. "I don't understand your reaction, Edward. _You_ are the one who is constantly telling Bella you're not good for her. You're the person who says you'll end up killing her one day. You claim to love her, Edward, you're convinced that if you left her her life would be better. . . I would have believed this is what you wanted." The tone he used was not one of accusation or anger, just confusion.

I snarled and snapped at him, my teeth closing just inches from his face. "I refuse to hand her over to you."

Sudden realization broke across his face. "You think I'm asking your permission? Hah!" He stood up again, and stared down at me. "Know this, Edward Cullen. I am neither man nor spirit. I cannot be destroyed, I cannot be defeated. . . there is nothing in heaven or on earth that I cannot obtain by mere whim. You are simply an obstical in my way: a stone easily crushed." He smirked wider and his eyes flashed. "And trust me, Edward, you _will _leave. In the end, I will win."

"You can't be so sure," I said through clenched teeth. "I won't leave that easily."

He looked so sure of himself. "Edward, what is your worst fear?"

Sudden images ran through my mind, each one successivly worse than the first: Tyler Crowley's truck skidding toward Bella on black ice, James cornering her in Phoenix --biting her--, the cliff. . . it wasn't a hard question to answer at all. And I knew he could read it all on my face anyway.

"Exactly;" he said. "You don't want to lose her. . . _that _is why you are going to leave."

I met his icy eyes. "What are you saying?" I asked.

"I wasn't lying when I said her life depended on you." The way he said that phrase sent lightning down my spine. I realized that his plans weren't just to hurt my Bella if I didn't leave.

My hands shook at the next words that came out of my mouth. "You're going to kill her, aren't you?" I already knew the answer before he slowly nodded. "Why are you doing this?"

Surprisingly, he didn't smile this time as he had before when he was going to disclose information. In fact, he was completely somber --serious. "Edward," there was no malice in his voice when he said my name. "We are not so different, you and I. Bella is my existence as well." he replied. "From the moment Isabella Swan was even a thought she was mine. I was sent to guard her --body and soul. To keep her from harm. . ." his eyes focused on me. "You must understand, Edward --I am only doing what I was created to do. . . if taking her is the only way to protect her, then it is what I must do."

He was talking about me, I realized: keeping her from harm meant keeping her from me --no matter the cost of that choice.

"I am not asking for your permission, Edward, but I am giving you the choice. I have seen the way you love her, I know the reasons why you left. . . " his eyes turned brooding and distant. "I'm giving you a fair warning. I know in the end you will do what is right for her."

"I'll never leave her again." I promised. "Neither will you take her away." Resolution sounded in my voice, firm and unshakable. I was surprised with myself.

His eyes shifted their focus back to me. "Then," he said quietly. "It would seem you have a different choice to make."

I knew exactly what he meant by those words. "No." My teeth gritted together and my fingers clenched into hard fists.

He became animated again, no longer somber. "You cannot have it both ways. You have a choice to make and you have one month in which to make it. You can either change her, leave, or watch her suffer because of your stubbornness." He turned quickly on his heels. "One month." was his final warning before he disappeared.

Suddenly, time, a thing that I had wasted so often, a substance that never meant much to me because I had so much of it, was strangling me. I was running out of time. It was flying and taunting me as it passed. Bella. . . what would I tell her? Should I tell her? This was unfair to her. I swore and flung my fist into the nearest tree, letting the splintered bark hit my arms and face without flinching. If I had known that it would come to this. . .

I was drowning under all of the thoughts. I couldn't breathe anymore. Frightened and furious I raced back to the Volvo, and sped home.


End file.
